there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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