Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
