I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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