The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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