I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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