I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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