i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
