i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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