I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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