I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
