I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
