Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
