I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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