I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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