definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
