I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
