he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
