just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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