why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this will be a night to untag.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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