Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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