I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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