i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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