i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
