He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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