Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
