it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
