My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
