So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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