I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
