I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
