I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
