you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The air was thick with penises
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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