She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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