four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
