we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sobbing to NWA
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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