You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I look better un-naked...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize