Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
