She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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