Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
