Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
