I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can you bring me the toilet please
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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