yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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