Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
