Me too!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
