It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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