I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
