none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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