I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
