it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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