And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there's paper in my vomit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
