I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
