fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this just has baby written all over it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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