My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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