My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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