I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
