I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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