he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
