Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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