The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
