My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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