How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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