pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
