I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
