lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
