you turned your livingroom into a bong?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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