i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
